Get to Know Your Parent’s Song

The Beginning

This may sound bizarre, but I love knowing my parent’s (or perhaps one of) song!  Admittedly, I have old school tendencies and love music from my parent’s era – it’s the music I grew up hearing and singing along.  There is magic to it.  Granted I am so blessed to have folks still together and hope this diatribe isn’t hurtful to friends, but I can honestly say I know love can last. 

My parents and I are close – closer than normal at times I imagine.  But I cherish our friendship.  While I am fully aware that I don’t know all the details (don’t want to) of their 45+ years together, I know they are still there and love each other very much.  An amazing fete in the world as we know it!  Inspiring and assuring to me but an attainable thing, set in reality.  I have seen that marriage is hard, that feelings get hurt, that marriage is work – among a lot of other things.  But even when they are frustrated and find each other trying (or flat out difficult), I also see them recognize their friendship, commitment and life that they have built together.

Mackey & Minnie

One time many years ago, I asked what they thought made marriage work.  Of course, they answered love, but also luck in that they have grown together (which I think is a result of work, forgiveness, respect and acceptance).  But finished their list with mostly being each other’s best friend.  Mom recently said to me, it is so nice to have a teammate, that one person that is always on your side.  AMEN!  That is my fervent prayer – for them, for my family and friends, and of course, for me!!  J

Surely it is work to get where they are now and not always smooth sailing, but what a lovely place they are today.  I have such admiration and respect of what I perceive to be a result of stepping back and saying, okay – ultimately we love each other, are best friends, and are in this life journey together so let’s focus on the good. 

YAY Mackey & Joyce!

And I’ll always cherish that day I played my new “old” music playlist for them.  The awe and excitement that I had “their song” on my "new" playlist.  And of course, the singing and dancing that followed (we are Singletons after all!) - but also seeing the old feelings new.  #ThisJane Says find out your parent’s song, or find one for you and your love and play it from time to time.  Remember to make old feelings new! 

“I know, I’ll never love this way again, so I keep holding on, before the good is gone.  I know I’ll never love this way again, hold on, hold on, hold on.”

Aren't Summer Loves Grand

Come on – you remember summer camp…  Cute boy, bonfire, movie night, holding hands walking back to your cabin…  There is nothing like a little summer romance.  As summertime takes over 2012, my fervent hope is that sentiment stays true - no matter what age! 

In high school at camp, there was “the waiting game”.  We all had crushes on fellow camp counselors (or staff members), needless to say.  Counselor canteen started 30 minutes after lights out and was simply hanging out at “The Place”.  The friendship, fellowship and flirting was alive and well at the end of each day.  The last 2 people awake, that outlasted everyone else, "won" the waiting game and got to steal goodnight kisses.  Oh the silly grin on my face as I recall the innocence of youth and share that vivid memory J.

These days my nieces are camp goers and I know they have a wonderful time each summer.  They have found the love of a place that few people know and we now share.  But beyond that shared love of a special thin place between heaven and earth, my ardent hope is that they each have summer loves (perhaps new, year after year) that excite them, cherish them and adore them!  Until one day, a guy comes along and “gets it”.  That’s what we are all want for our loved ones, right?

But oh, the fun of flirting… of visiting a special place… of the anticipation of the person you want to know better in the long days and cool, sticky nights of summertime.  While camp was many, many years ago, it is still nice to think about interests that come around and make you feel fun & alive.  As adults, we find new “camps” – places of common interests and passions in our lives.

#ThisJane Says find your summer romance – whether reawakening flirting feelings of you college summer love and now wife, or still on the search for God’s plan...  Maybe at Pops in the Park, a day on the lake, a night out with friends, or a neighborhood cookout – make summer love grand!

"Summer lovin’ had me a blast, summer lovin’ happened so fast." (anyone else notice a constant soundtrack in my life?  Always a tune to accompany the moment/thought/sentiment/feeling :-)

Look for How God Works in Your Life

Last night I prayed for help with some specific things – forgiveness with a friend I recently let down, help forgiving a couple of friends that hurt my feelings, help to see my role (if so) in it, and the right words to coach someone at work. 

Along with being mortified, I feel awful about missing my friend’s daughter’s christening, especially for no good reason.  I just lost track of my day.  My hurt feelings by some friends has burdened me and is heavy on my heart.  Of course, they may not even know as I haven’t found the words to talk with one and the other hasn’t returned my calls.  But anger, hurt, sadness - those feelings weigh me down completely.  And the kid at work, her lack of maturity infuriates me as she addresses me in a condescending way all the time.  I just want to help her be successful as that is my job – to develop recent college grads to be great in their careers at the bank.  So I specifically prayed for forgiveness, help forgiving and the right words so the kid at work can hear me and grow.

This morning, I woke up to the following devotion from Bread for the Journey:

Right Living and Right Speaking

To be a witness for God is to be a living sign of God’s presence in the world.  What we live is more important than what we say, because the right way of living always leads to the right way of speaking.  When we forgive our neighbors from our hearts, our hearts will speak forgiving words.  When we are grateful, we will speak grateful words, and when we are  hopeful and joyful, we will speak hopeful and joyful words.

When our words come too soon and we are not yet living what we are saying, we easily give double messages.  Giving double messages – one with our words and another with our actions – makes us hypocrites.  May our lives give us the right words, and may our words lead us to the right lives.

Camp St. Christopher

So when people ask me if God answer prayers and talks to me – I unequivocally answer yes.  It took years to learn my role in our relationship - looking for how God works in my life is required to see those answers and hear His words.  Of course, I need reminders of that grace regularly.  But I am truly thankful for the unconditional love God gives and help through, well, anything I am facing.  It means never being alone or without someone who is there for me.  That is pretty awesome indeed.  “Seek and ye shall find” is right – Alleluia. (I love that song :-)

#ThisJane says listen because God can talk to you from anywhere, through anyone and in any way.  He wants to answer prayers and comfort and love all of us - just because He made us.  We just have to be open, look for it and receive it.  Can I get an amen...?  :-)

Dress Up to impress a 3-year old

Emma and I are best friends.  Her mom was the first person to voice that in referencing Emma and I to one of her fellow moms.  That sentiment still warms my heart.  Yes, I am 38 years old and understand saying “best friends” may sound silly or trite.  But my precious 3-year old bestie, Emma, and I are two peas in a pod that adore each other and that is a rare, special thing.  I would even argue that at 38, I know how valuable a connection that is in today’s transient, disconnected world.

So when her birthday is approaching, my question to her mom is how can I make it special?  And I love that her mom already knew!  “It’s a princess party- want to come as Cinderella?”  No doubt I do!!!  Such fun for me!  I love any excuse to dress up but Cinderella?  Game on! 

Princesses Adrienne and Emma with Cinderella

Day arrives and I thought I was prepared.  Costume, check.  Hair band, check.  Long gloves, check.  Choker necklace, check.  Not glass, but special shoes that match the magical blue dress, check.  I even practice the song – just in case.  “A dream IS a wish your heart makes, when you’re fast asleep”.  

But the kiddos and the birthday girl herself, aren’t quite sure what to think. "Is Cinderella really here" expressions and hesitations, while sad for the kiddos, COMPLETELY make my day…!  I’m passing for Cinderella…!  Sweet!  After awhile, they get comfortable with the princess in their midst (and yes, I fully realize the jabs I am opening myself up to with that comment), and we take pictures, swing, eat cake together and so forth. 

Two things made this Cinderella’s (if only for a day) day: 1 – being a part of a family that is so very special to me and truly takes care of me as their own – especially making precious Emma’s birthday an unexpected treat.  And 2 – After all the kiddos had a go at the tiara piñata, I was on deck to finish the deal.  Quietly whispering under my breath, “I’ve been dating since I was 16, where is he???”, I have my turn and bust that crown wide open for candy delights for all!  Win – win!

#ThisJane Says go all in for the kids in your life and do it with all the love in your heart!

Last quote must be credited to Charlotte on an episode of Sex and the City.

Go to your Reunion

a.k.a. visit old friends

20 years… that’s right.  My 20-year high school reunion was at the end of April.  I am NOT old enough to have graduated from high school 20 years ago – that’s longer than I was old at that time. Just sayin’ not possible.  And yet…

Elizabeth the Beautiful, TC 1 Time Now & me

It came around and while I have missed all reunions except the 5-year (St. Mary’s celebrates every 5 years), I was determined to go.  Boarding school may be a little different than local high schools – can’t really say I know for sure – but non-boarding school seems easier to attend as it tends to be your home town.  Nonetheless, I was in!

High School, 20 years later, is going to have some revisionist history happening.  But my two SMC besties, Elizabeth the Beautiful and TC 1 Time Now, were on my list.  Elizabeth and I are FB friends so that was easier – she was in immediately.  Made my day!  Took some time but together we tracked down Tiffany and although 7 months pregnant and unable to join us for our PJ party, she wanted to be there and truly was in spirit.

Such a surprise and blessing!  Two gals, who were among my dearest friends at 17-18 years old, were back in my life after 15+ years of drifted apart.  And we picked right back up from where we left off.  Although I can’t truly articulate how very cool that is to experience, I wish it for everyone.  It is probably hard pressed for us to have grown along more different paths (banker, lawyer, social worker) – not earth shattering, just different - but there have been limited weekends over the past few years (outside of family), where I have felt so loved for me… quite the gift to treasure.

Me, Allison (P-Train), Valerie,
Elizabeth the Beautiful, Ellie & Holleigh

Beyond satisfaction from the reconnect, was getting to know former acquaintances and classmates.  There were the girls from the college (we felt so cool to hang with them!) but also our peers that we knew well, knew differently, or didn’t know much at all.  Life has been the great equalizer and does not care who was or was not cool in high school.  We have had our own challenging journeys and found ourselves humbled and inspired to be there for each other today.

I’ll wrap this entry with a special thanks to my mom.  The night before graduation (May 1992), Elizabeth and I were at the reception with our parents, then heading out to meet two of our BFs from home - both Stephanies coincidentally!  We were telling my mom how lucky we were to be best friends “forever” so early in our lives.  Mama said something to the effect of – “just know that it is really hard to maintain high school friends later in life… you will really have to work at it.”

Of course, I was fiercely offended and insistent on the 2^nd “F” of “BFF”!  But how right she was, and then we both were.  Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine and value how friendships grow and change, ebb and flow – and can mirror the best elements of a life journey.  I am so thankful for those friendships - then and now – and so many more I have been blessed with throughout my life! 

In all the ebbs and flows, highs and lows, when needed and needing, mirroring and supporting life’s progression and evolution - what a gift from God!  (And that is so many gals beyond the SMC days – too many to mention!)  But for now, I can’t wait for our 25^th reunion!

So I wanted to share that #ThisJane Says, go to your reunions - reconnect.  Give an old friendship the opportunity to be new or even better, be OLD and just “there” again.  You may be surprised by how intimidating it feels but how easy it turns out to be...

Saint Mary’s Girls, best in the world!  And thanks Mom and Dad, for such a wonderful, life-long gift!

Find Your Laughing Place

My parents used to call their dog, Buck, their “laughing place” (a la Uncle Remus).  I admit, there was a time when that made me a bit jealous of my 4-legged brother because I had that moniker when I was a kid.  But having my own pup now that is busting at the seams with personality and funny quirks – I totally get it.

My dog, Mia Hammbone, makes me laugh.  I can’t believe how much personality a dog can have but Mia exudes it.  Every time I walk through the door – whether 2 minutes later because I forgot something or several hours later after being out and about – Mia is waiting by the door.  The greeting is quick: a brief sniffing and licking and half jumping (since jumps aren’t allowed), then off she runs to her toy basket because it is time to play!  Usually returning with an AKC rabbit, duck or quail (or other toy) in mouth, she charges back towards me, pauses half way into downward facing dog and growls – a low rumbling GRRR – that is her “Let’s Play” growl.  I snicker now just describing it!

Then there are mornings. While most everyone does not believe me, she does not sleep with me.  Mia’s preference is her own bed or more often, the couch in the other room.  I love this independence - reminds me of... Anyway, my morning routine is to feed Mia then shower.  Without fail, this sweet, "what, me?" face greets me after my shower… from MY bed, and often on my pillow no less.  Makes me laugh every day!  And when time allows, I run over for a little snuggle/hug and "you're the best dog in the world" affections.  This, I admit, does not discourage Mia from getting on the bed each morning.  But I wouldn’t trade starting each day with a hearty laugh and thankful feeling for such a great dog with so much character.

We are all over-tired, worked, stressed, extended, etc - so #ThisJane Says find your own laughing place.  "Take your frown, turn it upside down, and you’ll find yours I know ho ho."

http://www.songofthesouth.net/movie/lyrics/laughing-place.html

Don’t Judge a Book by its Cover… literally!

Even with that big, challenging (while very common) expression as the headline where I chose to start, I am a little nervous to admit why.  Maybe everyone reading this is more mature than I, but I am worried people will judge me.  But here goes – let’s talk @Rob Lowe.  I mean, truly – has there been another man more pretty?  I really don’t mean that as condescendingly as it may sound but my goodness, he is just beautiful.  And of course like most men, he (irritatingly) has gotten hotter with age – if that were possible. 

I’m a child of the 80s so he was always on the radar but I fully admit – I saw the pretty and the wild child roles (Billy being many girls’ first bad boy crush), and just didn’t think much beyond that.  Then there was the well-known video, the lesser known rehab stint and off the radar.  I thought another Hollywood child star tale – as common as they come – and didn’t think much else about him.  Later, he returned in great comedic roles, on the West Wing and where I fell in love on Brothers & Sisters – all of which truly proved his chops as an actor.

I misjudged this man.  Last year, he road showed his book with his wife (saw them on Oprah).  Hearing him speak was impressive and made me want to learn more. His autobiography is titled Stories I Only Tell My Friends.  #ThisJane was sure that meant gossipy scoop on all the Hollywood shenanigans.  I was wrong again! @Rob Lowe is intelligent, hard working, devoted, driven, self aware, honest and in love with his wife and family.  The last two traits, of course, being so very attractive and awesome. If that weren't enough, he is extremely well written.  And most impressive is that the way he writes gives the reader a sense of friendship, as I imagine he intended.  I would be thrilled with that talent. 

While I was very committed to writing this blog entry (heck I even considered sending a fan letter but that must have been the 80s child in me), I was a bit timid about what someone would think of the recommendation and rave review.  This book was that impressive to me.  We have all felt judged – for age or level of attractiveness, hair color or height, accents or roots.  So I believe it would appeal to any reader that: admires someone with a dream, that recognizes their mistakes, learns from them, intentionally grows into a better person, and is brave enough to share that journey with the world.  #ThisJane Says don’t judge a book by its cover (literally) – you might miss out!